Laying here.

There we are.

Two people. 

And as I lay there i look into your eyes, they are so vast and say so incredibly much yet they are so silent.
I guess we don´t need to talk even though I would love to.
I guess that would make it all easier, but I´m starting to feel like this isn´t supposed to be easy.
My part of the conversation is a few tears and a smile of melancholy.
I want to be your mountain yet your eyes can make me a pebble.
I want to protect you even though you are the only one capable of destroying me like this.
Truth is I need you.

And I love it and hate it.

I love you so much, and that is what scares me the most, I don´t know why but I can´t help but wonder when you are gonna leave, cause that is what everyone seems to do.
Leave me.

When I say I love you and you don´t say it back it leaves a voice in my head that tells me that I don´t deserve to hear it.

But you can´t leave. 

I need you, there I said it I need you.
I know I´m not supposed to.
Cause love is often mistaken for dependence.
but i need you because I love you.
You are my drug, my flame.
I will always need my next fix so please stay around.

The beauty of Friday.

The beauty of Friday.

One day with endless opportunity.

Let's face it you've waited five days for this.

Not only if you have plans, that doesn't even matter. The truth is that anything could happen.

You could meet the love of your life and dance the night away.

You could finally start that project you've been meaning to work on for ages. 

You could actually spend some time with your friends for once.

Maybe nothing of that is going to happen, but it could, and that my friend is the beauty of Friday.

Self confidence or the lack of it.

I gotta admit. I'm myself and I would hate being anyone else or pretending that I was.
I remember what you said.
"I wish I could be like you and not care what people think about me"
I wish I could too.
The truth is I'm not self confident.
Hell I still can't talk to the opposite gender without half my face looking like a freaking red light.
I might be myself but I care what other people think.
Being yourself hurts a lot more.
See when someone insults you they insult YOU.
Not a facade, not a fake, not a shell.
They hurt you.
But when you lie there hurt, crying. Remember who picks you up.
And each time you fall one more person will pick you up.
And one faithful day someone will catch you before you fall.
And then trust me you'll be happy you chose to be yourself.

If it's that hard go make a list of things you want to be.
Fair, brave, funny, quirky, yourself.
Now come back to me when you are exactly that.
Then i'll pick you up as you lie there crying.

Friends, joints and some rock music.

Sitting there on your porch looking out on the world.
That summer felt endless, and looking back it was the best summer of my life.
You pass me the joint and I take a hit.
I let the warm smoke flow through my entire body, out into every limb,
and then i let go, let go of the smoke, let go of my stress, let go of my worries.
In that moment the sky turned a little more blue and the grass a little more green.
You turn on the music and pass me a soda.
Cheers man.
Cheers indeed.

Stop.....

Stop looking at me like that....

Stop looking at me with that face of pity.
Just stop.
I don't want your pity neither do I need it.
At least that's what I like to pretend I don't.
Sometimes I like to pretend I don't need you at all.
Not even the slightest.
But then you like to come around and remind me otherwise.
It's like a game of tag, I chase you, and you run.
Then when I give up you start chasing me.
But it's over now, I'm tired of running.

New beginnings

I guess this is my new beginning.
New school, same old country i guess i'm back at square one.

A lot of people some new some old, guess i have to sort through them all again one by one, while they look at me watching, judging, all while i'm doing the exact same.

Hopefully this time it will all be better. I wont get stuck. I will leave my shell. I will be myself for once, wouldn't that be nice.

But it's impossible cause it hurts too much. it's okay when someone doesn't like facade me cause that's not really me anyways so who cares.

But if someone didn't like ME the real me.... that's just too much.. for now

Nostalgia and such like stuff.

The sound of a Piano and the smell of freshly baked cake always reminds me of my two sisters.

Just like legos always reminds me of my brothers.

So many pictures smells and sounds that remind me of good things, like the sound of light chatter; hearing my parents finally winding down and talking when I was supposed to sleep way back when.

I feel so blessed and safe everytime I think about these things.. the small things.