The beauty of Friday.

The beauty of Friday.

One day with endless opportunity.

Let's face it you've waited five days for this.

Not only if you have plans, that doesn't even matter. The truth is that anything could happen.

You could meet the love of your life and dance the night away.

You could finally start that project you've been meaning to work on for ages. 

You could actually spend some time with your friends for once.

Maybe nothing of that is going to happen, but it could, and that my friend is the beauty of Friday.

Self confidence or the lack of it.

I gotta admit. I'm myself and I would hate being anyone else or pretending that I was.
I remember what you said.
"I wish I could be like you and not care what people think about me"
I wish I could too.
The truth is I'm not self confident.
Hell I still can't talk to the opposite gender without half my face looking like a freaking red light.
I might be myself but I care what other people think.
Being yourself hurts a lot more.
See when someone insults you they insult YOU.
Not a facade, not a fake, not a shell.
They hurt you.
But when you lie there hurt, crying. Remember who picks you up.
And each time you fall one more person will pick you up.
And one faithful day someone will catch you before you fall.
And then trust me you'll be happy you chose to be yourself.

If it's that hard go make a list of things you want to be.
Fair, brave, funny, quirky, yourself.
Now come back to me when you are exactly that.
Then i'll pick you up as you lie there crying.

Friends, joints and some rock music.

Sitting there on your porch looking out on the world.
That summer felt endless, and looking back it was the best summer of my life.
You pass me the joint and I take a hit.
I let the warm smoke flow through my entire body, out into every limb,
and then i let go, let go of the smoke, let go of my stress, let go of my worries.
In that moment the sky turned a little more blue and the grass a little more green.
You turn on the music and pass me a soda.
Cheers man.
Cheers indeed.

Stop.....

Stop looking at me like that....

Stop looking at me with that face of pity.
Just stop.
I don't want your pity neither do I need it.
At least that's what I like to pretend I don't.
Sometimes I like to pretend I don't need you at all.
Not even the slightest.
But then you like to come around and remind me otherwise.
It's like a game of tag, I chase you, and you run.
Then when I give up you start chasing me.
But it's over now, I'm tired of running.

New beginnings

I guess this is my new beginning.
New school, same old country i guess i'm back at square one.

A lot of people some new some old, guess i have to sort through them all again one by one, while they look at me watching, judging, all while i'm doing the exact same.

Hopefully this time it will all be better. I wont get stuck. I will leave my shell. I will be myself for once, wouldn't that be nice.

But it's impossible cause it hurts too much. it's okay when someone doesn't like facade me cause that's not really me anyways so who cares.

But if someone didn't like ME the real me.... that's just too much.. for now

Nostalgia and such like stuff.

The sound of a Piano and the smell of freshly baked cake always reminds me of my two sisters.

Just like legos always reminds me of my brothers.

So many pictures smells and sounds that remind me of good things, like the sound of light chatter; hearing my parents finally winding down and talking when I was supposed to sleep way back when.

I feel so blessed and safe everytime I think about these things.. the small things.

If I could see me

I thought what if I could see myself.

See myself now.

See myself now through the eyes of the ten year old me.

would I be proud?

What would i feel? Would i just stand there.

All the things i've done. All the things I said I never would.....

Is it for the better or opposite?


I would want me to be proud.

My place or yours

My place or yours

As your red lips slowly but surely stain the now almost empty wine glass its clear to see that It isn't your first and most surely not your last, and neither am I.

Your eyes meet mine.  They are like the ocean a dark blue and filled with unrivaled passion no sailor can tame it yet countless line up to try, none to be found again, and for each man lost at sea two set sail. For even if they do not return it's a ride of a life time. 

I offer to buy you another glass. You ask why we don't just skip the games, as you lightly put your hands around my neck and invite me to the dance floor.

The blues and alcohol pump with my blood through my veins controlling my legs like a puppeteer, I slip into a trance state it is only you and me on earth now. 

In that moment your lips decided to stain something other than a wine glass. The words flow off your tongue "your place or mine" 

That night another sailor was lost at sea.

At the verge

With my pupils nearing the size of a cup.

three lines ago I told myself I would stop. 

But I'm at the verge of finally giving up. 

Letting go. 

Going somewhere only god may know.

 Cause im Out of love out of life out of dough.

Tired of putting up a fucking show.

 So With teary eyes I finish my snow.

Now just waiting to die.

As i make my final goodbye.

Im Hoping all this coke and angel dust will make me fly.

my understanding of girls

My understanding of girls 

It seems the older I get the more they confuse and amaze me.

Girls are of course humans like me yet it doesn't seem like that all the time.

See when I was really young it was easy.... Girls. Had. Cooties. It was that freaking simple. You smashes their sandcastles and stuff. 

And then out of the blue one day POW! They become aliens with boobs and butts and stuff and they make you all crazy. I guess you could call It revenge for the sandcastles. 

The boys entire reality gets flipped around. Now we have to go chase after these beings just because of some instinct that's like hey!!! That girl right there..... She's the one..

But she's not.

Just cause her butt does that really sexy thing when she walks in jeans.

And her smile is really nice. 

And like maybe you really like her laugh or something I don't know. 

Maybe it's cause she fills you up with warmth in a spot that always felt really cold and she makes you feel safe and less judged and you could just snuggle up and watch a stupid movie or something 

or maybe it's cause she's like a puzzle with the picture on the box being something completely different and without any corner pieces.... But you'd do anything to solve it... Even though you know you never will you're willing to spend your whole life trying. 

But I mean it's not like you love her or anything jeeez

love is blind

Love is blind.

To me when people say love is blind it doesn't mean that you don't notice people's mistakes, to me it's something more. 

To me love is blind means that love doesn't judge. 

Love doesn't care if you are black white or Asian. Love doesn't care if you are big or small young or old. Love doesn't care if you're a man or a woman loving a man or a woman.

You might ask how I know that well I've seen gay people love each other just the same as hetero people I've seen black people love the same as Asians or whites. In the end we ALL love the same.

And since love doesn't care maybe you shouldn't either.

A Dream

I know it´s late.

i shouldn't be looking at your photos. not anymore.

you are not mine. and looking back you never was.

but I am yours.... sadly

So if you would be so kind to stop looking beautiful and making me remember a time where we almost were.

almost.

but when you left. you left me with a thought.

a ghost.

of what we could have been. and dare i say i have never seen anything nearly that astoundingly gorgeous. like a rose. the most fragrant and red rose you have ever seen.

too bad it is a rose that wilted a long time ago. But hey dreams are all that a foolish boy has so i guess i will cling on for a little while longer.

A poem about love.

A poem about love.

Being a present day teenager I hear the word love being flung around more and more often and it saddens me.

 if we keep using it like this it will lose all meaning and then what will we tell that girl when we stand there on her porch with a bouquet of flowers.

For love is a beautiful thing that we should not take for granted, so when I hear people say "I think I'm in love" I respond then: you're not.

For love isn't like a slight breeze or a tingle its like a steamroller so when you get hit trust me you will know.

So for all of you out there with a slight breeze and a tingle please shut up all the steamrolled are trying to muster courage to say what you spit out every other week to a new girl.

My only request

My only request 

I will not be rude and ask a lot of you

I will not ask you to remember every moment or even a few 

No I won't even ask you to remember my face, the way I laugh or my voice.

But I do ask you one thing see my only request is that you don't forget me. 

The essence I me not my body or anything physical but my very essence cause if you ever forget me then I'm gone and all my efforts will have been in vain.

So please I beg you don't forget me

A little goodbye

I have enjoyed my travel 

But every journey must end yet it still pains me to say goodbye. 

I am left with a feeling of regret and happiness lingering in my heart 

I regret the chances that I didn't take. I regret the times I said no, and I regret the people that I never really met and the people who never got a goodbye.

But I am happy cause every time I say goodbye and hold back a tear it brings me a smile for in that tear are the reflections of our memories.

Every smile, every laugh and every second spent together

So I want to thank you.

Thank you for making a stranger feel less strange. 

Thank you for making a foreigner feel less foreign,

Thank you for the love you've given me. 

I love you.

They say home is where the heart is so I will split mine and share the shards for you all made me feel at home.

My family

My family

I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters
1 mom and 1 dad.

I am however only biologically related to 3 of my siblings but both of my parents

See I come from a family where we believe that family is not something you are born with, it's something you earn.

You don't become a mother by giving birth, you become a mother by loving and nurturing that child

You don't become a father by making a woman pregnant you become a father by protecting and taking care of your family

You don't become a sibling by being my parents other children you become a sibling, by guiding, defending and loving your family.

So when you tell me that my sisters or brothers are only my half sibling or not my siblings at all I beg to differ see how can they be half sibling when I love them with all my heart and how can we not be family if they are the ones that have protected, nurtured, loved and guided me?

See blood might be thicker than water but our bonds are stronger than bones.

What I'm made of.

What I'm made of.

Endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin. - Happiness what we crave.

dopamine, phenylethylamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. - Love what we all seek.

Oxygen, Carbon, Hydrogen Nitrogen, Calcium, Phosphorus, Potassium Sulfur, Sodium, Magnesium, Copper, Zinc, Selenium, Molybdenum, Fluorine, Chlorine, Iodine, Manganese, Cobalt, Iron, Lithium, Strontium, Aluminum, Silicon, Lead, Vanadium, Arsenic, Bromine,

- my body, who I am, all that I am.

Or is there something more to it?
Am I more than just the elements that I am made of?
Is there a certain something we can't put under a microscope and study or jot down on a piece of paper.

maybe, just maybe there is a tiny invisible little something that makes me, me.

or maybe the beautiful truth is that we are all the same.

I was scared.

I was scared.

when I knew that i would be going away and that you were staying.
So now I'm stuck with the idea that you've replaced me and that I will come home only to realize that you've moved on.
that I am obsolete.

I am scared that we will drift away.
lets face it we've both seen it happen but we always managed to stick together.
So you better not leave me now.

because i love you man, because you are my very best friend
you know everything about me and i know everything about you too.

But now when I'm coming home you are going away,
and it scares me to death.

because the truth is that I need you, if even just a slight presence or an idea.
I NEED YOU.

I need you like fire needs oxygen or like i need my heart.
you are family to me so you better not be surprised when i hold onto you with all my might.
Because I love you far too much to let you go,
I love you far to much to see you drift away.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry...

I'm so sorry that most people of my gender are idiots that think with the wrong head.
Sex seeking neanderthals that act only on primal instinct.

I'm so sorry that most guys date girls for what in between their legs not in between their ears.
Even when your mind is filled with the most beautiful thoughts and ideas.

I'm so sorry that you trusted the wrong ones.
the ones that hurt you, the ones that misused you, the ones that cheated you.

I'm so sorry that their sweet words stopped as soon as the mattress stopped squeaking.
that these sirens ever got hold of you with their song of lies.

So now when I compliment you, you look away.
So now when i touch you, you cower.

but darling.

let me reach you with my words, let me dabble in the endless beauty of your thoughts.
and let my arms embrace you while my shoulders bear the tears that have become too heavy for your eyes.

Noble gas.

Noble gas.

For the longest time I thought I was a noble gas,
that I needed no one but myself to be complete,
that i was just fine,
by myself.

but I'm not a noble gas in fact I'm much more like hydrogen.
See I had simply thrown away a part of myself, an electron, to try to convince everyone that i was perfectly fine,
by myself.

but my act fooled no one especially not you, a fellow hydrogen,
and you taught me so much.
you taught me that needing others does not mean that you are weak.
you taught me to be perfectly fine with not being perfect.

so i picked up my lost electron and accepted my shortcomings but with this covalent-bond we've made, we look pretty damn noble to me.  

Things I am afraid of.

Things I am afraid of

I'm really scared of spiders
I'm also kinda afraid of heights
And occasionally public speaking can seem scary
But I am absolutely terrified of girls
See spiders can bite you and that's it you feel the pain for awhile and then it's gone
But girls that's another story
While they might seem all innocent with their beautiful eyes soft skin and also they kinda smell really nice but Don't be fooled they spread rumors they can twist your words and use them against you
Girls will tell you they are not mad but
Really they are furious.
But the most scary thing they do is kiss you because girls kisses are the best thing you will ever get
A girl might let you hold her hands and tell you that she loves you too and even kiss you so softly that you swear you can hear violins.
But then next Thursday she will say you need to talk and that you are a great guy but let's just be friends

And she  will take away your rights to kisses and give it to someone else.
But the most scary part of girls is that I can't seem to stop falling for them.